writing should be about the subconsciousness. especially a diary. i need to stop thinking from which sentence i should start with when i write.

i don’t have the time to write though, that’s another problem. i wouldn’t say life’s getting in the way. this life is my life and even though it’s not completely controlled by me, it IS me who decides who this goes. so, maybe i should just be organized a bit. list down the things i want to do. prolong the thoughts/imagination but not generate a hell lot of other thoughts and let them intertwine.

yeah, a list. should get my hands on that first.

p.s. i immediately get exhausted the second i feel like i kinda like someone. what does this mean.

(Source: bratsquad)

i’m writing here again. and that’s because i don’t know how to confess my feelings /again/. i want to hide this inside but i know it’s not healthy.

i know liking someone is not a sin. it’s not like it will be a knife cutting my heart into slices. it is not and won’t be making me miserable everyday.

but still i don’t want to admit it. when my heart’s rushing, when i’m craving to message him, when his face appears in mind… i want to stay calm as if these moments never had once appear but then it’s happening every hour. 

i want to be healthy again, mentally. why can’t i just go ahead and be okay with liking someone? what’s wrong with liking someone? why am i a coward? haha.

please. let me be comfortable with liking a person again. let me have faith, let me believe in people once again. let me believe in myself again, that i’m not a loner, i’m not a person who everyone likes but never remember. please let me believe that i’m worthwhile, i’m important.

I DON’T WANT TO BECOME JUST LIKE YOU.

(Source: mcesb)

i’m changing my url into ~ganxie to celebrate the abandon of a kind of life and start of another kind of life :)